It took me all week to think of that title, so you better enjoy. Unfortunately, I'm not getting any good vibrations off of this week's MIAA schedule, particularly the in-conference matchups.

The heat will be on Northwest, Washburn, Pitt State and Central Missouri to take care of business as each one comes in a heavy favorite against bottom-end MIAA teams. What might be interesting though is the non-con matchups, with Missouri Western taking on an NAIA team that has upset an FCS and a D2 school already this year and Fort Hays hosting Southwest Baptist, another team that will rejoin the league after an earlier departure.

To spice things up, I'm going to stick with the Marky Mark theme, but I'll move it to acting, the more relevant portion of his career.

No. 3 Northwest Missouri (2-0, 1-0) at Lincoln (1-1, 0-1)
Saturday, Sept. 17; 2 p.m.
Dwight T. Reed Stadium; Jefferson City, MO
Max Payne

I give this game the title of a Mark Wahlberg film based on a video game character, because like last week, Lincoln is about to get lit up by a video game-type beatdown.

I don't want to spend all my time talking badly about Lincoln. They have a couple guys on defense that actually looked impressive last week, namely DB O'Hara Fluellen and LB Johnny Beautelus, and four rushing touchdowns from running back Deon Brock is a nice stat, but this team clearly isn't ready to compete in this league.

What we witnessed last week was beyond embarassing. The multiple turnovers don't even look so bad when you stack them next to the four one-play drives Washburn had on them.

And I've already said it this week, Northwest looks darn good. Their balanced attack and passing (295.0) and rushing (229.5) coupled with a stout defense (10 points and just over 300 yards a game) has the Bearcats off to a great start.

If Jake Soy can get himself 121 yards through the air, he'll move up 3 spots to No. 4 on the all-time MIAA receiving list and could very possibly end the season No. 2 behind only former Bearcat Jamaica Rector.

I expect him to do that, in the first half.

Prediction: Northwest Missouri 55 Lincoln 20

No. 12 Washburn (2-0, 1-0) at Missouri Southern (0-1, 0-1)
Saturday, Sept. 17; 6 p.m.
Fred G. Hughes Stadium; Joplin, MO
The Fighter

I picked The Fighter for this game because that's what the town of Joplin has been forced to become in the nearly four months since the May 22 tornado that is now blamed for 162 deaths. It hasn't been all that long since the campus played host to a temporary morgue, triage center and shelter for homeless tornado victims, but this weekend, it will host football and hopefully bring a little bit of respite to those in the city still dealing with such pain and loss.

Unfortunately for the Lions, their chances against Washburn don't seem very good. Washburn is another team that has showed they can hurt you through the air and through the ground, and though Southern's defense was stout at times last year and stoppped the run well two weeks ago against UCM, I expect that to continue.

If I'm Washburn, I have to be worried about the penalties. The 'Bods have been flagged an MIAA-high 24 times for over 200 yards. Only seven of the 161 D2 (including provisional) teams have had more penalties called against them.

For Southern, we're wondering if they can limit their turnovers (four in Week 1 vs UCM) and if anybody besides QB Collin Howard can provide a roar in the Lions' offense.

Prediction: Washburn 40 Missouri Southern 24

No. 20 Central Missouri (1-1, 1-1) at Emporia State (0-2)
Saturday, Sept. 17; 1 p.m.
Welch Stadium; Emporia, KS
The Yards

The 1999 film got the nod because Central Missouri is severely lacking in yards when it comes to the rushing game, even though just like the movie, there's a trio of young talent (Wahlberg, Joaquin Phoenix, Charlize Theoron) sharing the load.

You're always hearing me preach the importance of passing, and you can get by in this league without a standout running game, but 75 yards on 40 carries through two games just isn't going to cut it. We overlooked it in Week 1 against Missouri Southern when Corwin broke out for six touchdowns, but last week, when David Bass and Ben Pister made minced meat out of the offensive line and kept constant pressure on Corwin, the Mules had nothing to lean back on.

So who's going to step up for Central this week? Will it be Camren Torneden, Travis Ribbing or LaVance Taylor? If nobody, Emporia might just sneak out with a victory.

But to do that, even if Central struggles on the ground, the Hornets will need to protect the football. They've got more giveaways (8) and the fewest takeaways (3) of anyone in the leauge (MSSU only has 1 takeaway but has only played 1 game so I'm not counting them).

Tyler Eckendrode has thrown a (tied for) league high three INTs, but hasn't played awful. It's the fumbles that have plagued Emporia, with three in Week 1 and another two last week in their blowout loss to Pitt State.

This is honestly a tough call. It's the team I thought was most overrated coming in (Central) against the team I thought was most underrated (Emporia). I may have been right about Central, but it looks like Emporia didn't really deserve my affection.

If Corwin doesn't have a chance to get comfortable, and/or the running game doesn't get going, Emporia is going to pull the upset here, but I think Coach Boda and company right the ship.

Prediction: Central Missouri 31 Emporia State 20

No. 21 Pittsburg State (2-0, 2-0) at Truman State (1-1, 1-1)
Saturday, Sept. 17; 7 p.m.
Stokes Stadium; Kirksville, MO
Planet of the Apes

Duh. Gorillas, apes. And Pitt State is hoping to turn the MIAA from Bearcat Country into the Planet of the Apes, but to do that, they still have some work to do. And it begins with what might be a tough matchup against J.B. Clark and Truman State. You can never put too much stock into when one cellar dweller beats another, but the Bulldogs battled it out last week against Hays, and even though the Tigers did a good job of shooting themselves in the foot, Truman made some big plays.

For Truman though, you have to be worried about the rushing defense. Already last in the league, Pitt State comes to town as a team that loves to run the ball.

I've been asked to stay off the Pitt State bandwagon (my bandwagon teams haven't fared well in my 3 years covering this league - PSU-09, FHSU-10, ESU-11), and I'll do so for now, but I still like Pitt to take this game pretty easily.

Prediction: Pitt State 37 Truman State 21

Langston (2-0, NAIA) at Missouri Western (1-1, 1-1)
Saturday, Sept. 17; 11 a.m.
Spratt Stadium; St. Joseph, MO
The Other Guys

This could get interesting. This game is matched with this movie not because of MoWest, but because of Langston, who like Wahlberg and Will Ferrell, aren't really considered capable of doing their jobs. But Langston has already proven some folks wrong this year with a victory over Arkansas Pine Bluff in front of more than 24,000 fans and a win over Tuskeegee, SIAC champs four out of the last five years and a 9-win team a year ago.

As pointed out on the MIAA Message Board, Langston appears to be an opportunistic sqad, taking a recovered fumble back for a tocuhdown in each of their first two games. The Golden Tigers also returned the opening kick of the second half of last week's game for a touchdown, so Western's coverage team, which hasn't exactly been spectacular this season, will need to watch out.

The LU defense has been most impressive, holding their opponents to an average of just 44 yards a game.

But if you wanna talk defense, you NEED to talk David Bass. I wrote last week he needed to step up, and boy did he ever. That's the kind of boost the Griffons needed, as well as Little P making big-man plays on way to his first collegiate victory. Will this be the game Little P graduates my not-so-flattering nickname? It could be.

I don't think it will be as easy as it might look, but Missouri Western gets above .500

Prediction: Missouri Western 28 Langston 13

Southwest Baptist (1-1, D2 independent) at Fort Hays State (1-1, 1-1)
Saturday, Sept. 17; 7 p.m.
Lewis Field; Hays, KS
The Departed

Southwest Baptist, who just departed the MIAA after the 2007 season, doesn't come back to the league until next season, but they get a heavy dose of league play this year, with this game at Hays, then games at Southern and at home against Western, Emporia and Truman in the final four games of the season.

Southwest hasn't had any luck with MIAA teams since their departure, losing all five games against conference opponents since 2008 by an average of more than 26 points a game. Things weren't any better when they were in the league though. They lost their last 15 conference games and hadn't won more than two MIAA games in a single season since 1991.

Could this be the year that changes? Doubtful. They've been competitive as an independent that last few years, and almost snuck into the Mineral Water Bowl, but this is a team that was down 13-0 to NAIA Bacone before returning an interception for a touchdown and stiffening up on defense.

For Hays, running back Andre Smith leads the conference and is eighth in the country with 148 yards a game, but he did fumble on a punt return that allowed Truman State to ice the game last week. Edward Smith has added another 82 yards a game on the ground.

The question with Hays is at quarterback. Blaked McAhren has started both contests, playing the entire game in Week 1 against Emporia. Anthony Shepperd came in for some action against Truman, and both play-callers were un-spectacular. So who plays this week? Coach Chris Brown continues to say we'll see both in action. I say pick a guy and stick with him.

Either way, I don't think Southwest is ready for MIAA competition, though they're much closer than Lincoln.

Prediction: Fort Hays 24 Southwest Baptist 17

Agree with what I have to say? Disagree? Good, now tell me why. Leave a comment below, e-mail me at [email protected], @ me on twitter @miAARONd2 or message me at Facebook.com/apheintz.